Coping during the first Christmas without them

​Christmas is a wonderful time for most people. School finishes for another year, carols are sung, families get together, holidays at the beach, giving and receiving of gifts, and special Church services. However, for those who lost a loved one, the season lacks the usual joy.
The first Christmas without a loved one may feel different and confusing. Annual traditions are disrupted without the physical presence of a loved one. But by creating new traditions, families can honour their loved one’s memory while coping with grief.

Coping with Grief
The first year without a loved one is often the hardest, and it’s even more difficult during Christmas. Remember, it’s okay to not feel up to all the frivolity, but it’s also important not to isolate yourself. Only do what you feel up to, and it’s okay to sit some events out if you need some time alone to grieve. There’s no right or wrong way to grieve so it will be different for everyone.
During Christmas, there may be added pressure to feel joyful, but you don’t have to be happy all the time. It’s okay to cry and show your emotions; it’s a completely healthy and normal way to grieve your loss. Just don’t forget to take care of yourself and ask for help if you need it. Your family members can lean on each other for support and grieve as a family while you’re together for Christmas.
The holidays also bring with them the added secondary losses of annual traditions with your loved one. The traditions won’t be the same without them, but you can create new ones that honour their legacy.

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Traditions You Can Do Together
Creating new traditions to honour your loved one can help you feel their presence with you during Christmas. They can be passed down from generation to generation so your loved one’s memory lives on forever in your hearts.

Below are a few ideas:

• Volunteer together in your loved one’s honour, such as at your local nursing home or hospital.
• Visit your loved one’s gravesite or ash niche and leave some flowers.
• Donate to an organisation or cause that your loved one was passionate about.
• Look through old photos and share your favourite stories and memories of your loved one.
• Bake your loved one’s favourite holiday treat.

Mementos to Honour Their Memory
You also can create meaningful mementos to remember your loved one by. It’s a little something to honour their memory while easing your grief and helping you feel close to them.

​Below are a few ideas:

• Creating a memorial ornament in their honour. 
• Make little mementos to give to your family members, such as bookmarks with your loved one’s name on it.
• Give everyone one of your loved one’s items, such as jewellery or small trinkets.
• Decorate a memorial candle and light it in your loved one’s honour.
• If you’re already looking through old photos, why not put together a beautiful scrapbook?

What other ideas do you have for coping with grief during the first Christmas without a loved one? Share them with us in the comments!

Adapted from an article by Jenny Goldade